Diary

4000 PAGEVIEWS?!


WHAT IS GOING ON?! 4000 PAGEVIEWS! Oh my goodness! I cannot thank you guys enough!!!! I never thought this would happen! I literally have no idea how this happened. I now have 6 followers that I am very grateful for! You guys are like my friends-wait no... BESTIES! Thank you so much for sticking with me for the past 8 months I have been blogging! It's actually kind of funny because in English class, we were talking about media literacy examples and 21st century learning. 21st century learning is basically jobs and learning skills in our century. People were bringing up jobs like website designer and YouTuber. Then someone said blogger and I was like "Wait, IM A BLOGGER!". It's not my job. Even if it was, I wouldn't really call it a job because I would have fun doing it! None of my friends, except for one (hey if you're reading this), know I have this blog. It's like my little secret!

Anyways, that's all for today. New blogpost coming very soon! Thank you so so so so so much for 4000 page views! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Forever Alone Day

Hey everyone! It is finally February! Which means two things. #1 is that the weather here is GREAT. All the snow has melted and the weather has gotten a lot warmer. Instead of being -10 it's gone up to 6 degrees! It's in Celsius by the way so in Fahrenheit it's extremely warm! Well, for us Canadians, it's better than it has been. #2 is that Forever Alone Day is coming up! (aka Valentines Day) I know exactly how I'm going to be spending it. I'll sit in bed with my bae all day and we'll watch YouTube and dance around my room listening to music eating chocolate. Oh, you want to know who my bad is? Well, his name is Mac, Macbook Pro. He's the best! (see what I did there? If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go delete my life...) Yeah, we get a long great together! Okay, in all seriousness, I'm going to be forever alone. I know your all going to be like in the comments, "You have Aid! You guys have a chance!" He doesn't like me and I have accepted that fact and I'm moving on from that. Anyways, it's okay to be alone on Valentines day. Just know, that you aren't the only one. Somewhere out there, there is a really hot guy or girl that is alone in Valentines. Maybe you'll meet them one day. Instead of calling it Valentines Day, my friends and I refer to it as Forever Alone Day. Because we are all single Pringles. If you wanna have a good laugh and watch someone slay at having a crush, what the Crush Song by Twaimz. I'll leave the link HERE but yeah, it will probably get stuck in your head, but it's the best! So, if you are going to be alone on Forever Alone Day, it's okay. That's why we call it Forever Alone Day.

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog and follow me on Bloglovin' to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

I Swear I'm Not Emo (Maybe A Little)

Hey! So today, me and my friends were working on our short stories in language (my short story is almost done! I am going to post the extended version once I'm finished it! BE PREPARED!) and this year, I feel like a lot of us had branched out to the more dramatic and touchy subjects. For example, my friend Dan is writing about a girl who gets diagnosed with cancer and only has a couple months left to live, and I'm writing about my life, except changing a lot of it. I'm just writing about what has been happening in my life with my feelings and stuff like that. I let a couple people read my introduction paragraphs and it was actually a little funny. My friend Dan said it was amazing, my friend Kay cried, Eth also almost cried, and Aid had this expression on his face kind of like he never knew I could write things that deep. I am not going to spoil my short story for you guys, you have no idea how bad I want to! But it will be 10 times better if you read it all in one go! Sorry about that! Eth told me that it was really good and Dan mentioned that I can be  very emo at times. I am not emo, I swear, but in certain cases I can be. Like this one time, it was Dan's 13th birthday this year and me and my friend Chlo were sitting in her basement talking about life. Not how our lives have been or whatever, our legit thoughts on life. Then we got into death and the after life and all that stuff, and I went so deep. Chlo and Dan had confirmed I was definitely emo. I'm not! I can just go really deep into certain topics of conversations. If you were t talk to me about stuff and bring up the topic of the afterlife and death or anything personal, I will go full emo and probably make your brain explode.

Although, I could be emo. I've got the dark hair with bangs, wear eyeliner on my waterline and have double piercings. I sometimes wear a lot of dark clothing. I don't think it would be a good look for me to go full emo, but I'm like a very laid back emo. I listen to Twenty One Pilots and Oh Wonder, I guess that doesn't really make me emo does it. Oh my goodness now I'm just rambling. I'll stop now.

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog and follow me on bloglovin' to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Searching For The Dress

Hey guys! Since I am in grade 8 this year, and I go to a catholic school, I am getting confirmed! I am starting to look for dress and I have found some pretty nice ones so far. They are all on pintrest and I will leave my link HERE so you can see the dresses I found so far. They aren't too fancy because #1 My priest isn't ordering gowns because the grade 7's are also getting confirmed with us and he doesn't want to measure 360 people for gowns and #2 it's in May so it's going to be hot. I've also been looking for grad dresses and the board for that is also on my pintrest. I have like 5 more months until my confirmation so I have plenty of time to pick and choose! Thats all for today. Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when  I make a new post, be sure to check out my pintrest and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Monologue Mental Breakdowns

Hello everyone! School in 2016 has been interesting so far. In drama class, we had to do dramatic monologues. Here is mine:


Do you know what it’s like to live your entire life in a tiny lamp like this? *lifts up legit lamp* whoops, wrong one. *lifts up paper* okay! right one. Yeah. Imagine being trapped in here for 300 YEARS! It’s awful! There’s only one tiny room, one tiny bathroom, the worlds smallest shower, and *lifts up computer* NO WI-FI. I can’t go on Facebook and a stalk peoples old photo’s or start trending #JustinneedstobreakupwithHayley on Twitter or go on YouTube and learn how to french braid my hair. I only know what those things are because of my job, but I will explain more about that later. Where was I? Oh yeah! My house. On the inside it’s pretty clean, but the outside is a whole different story. It’s dusty and the writing that has my address on it is all faded and covered with more dust and dirt. Of course there is that one person that finds me and thinks I’ll make “A great piece of vintage home accessory ” or “Look great on their coffee table”. And since my address is all faded and covered with dirt, people try rubbing the side of my lamp to try and clean it, that’s when an unknown magical force pulls me out of the lamp and my job begins. UGH. I don’t even know why I call it a job! I don’t even get paid! Basically, when I come out of my lamp, people freak out and have like 10 mental break downs a minute, trying to figure out if I’m real or just seeing things. When they realize I am the blue blob of smoke with a go-tee from that one Disney movie, they immediately tell me their three wishes. Which normally consist of “I wish to me beautiful” or “I wish to become rich” or “I wish to become famous!”. I can grant any wish possible. Well, there’s 2 that I can’t. If you wish to kill someone, NOT GONNA HAPPEN. #1 I cannot take the life of some one else because it’s illegal and cruel and #2 I will have to call the police and have you arrested, cause I’m sure if I won’t do it then you probably will. And the second thing I cannot grant wishes for is love. Love is a strong and powerful force that is not to be messed with. If you don’t find love now, it will come to you. Don’t force love because it will end HORRIBLY. Anyways, after I either grant their 3 wishes or send them to jail, the magical force that I mentioned before sticks me back in that awful place. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go grant some more wishes.


If you couldn't tell, I was a genie.Sorry guys! This was actually a video but I'm not allowed to upload it. I'm still talking to my parents about the YouTube thing and it's complicated. I basically have to make a video for them showing them what I plan to do with this channel. It'll be a while now...

Anyways, we were allowed to either do it live or record it. I obviously chose the easy route and chose to film it. Yeah, I thought it was easy. BOY WAS I WRONG! I filmed it the first time, edited it to make it look good and bam. I thought I was done. NOPE. It had to be all done in one take with no jump cuts, no editing, no nothing. I WAS SCREWED. Literally, the night before it was due, I refilmed it. I ended up going through 20 minutes of footage of me saying the monologue, messing up halfway and then having a mental breakdown. I finally got it done, and as I went through the footage, there were some pretty hilarious bloopers. The main one that I put at the end of my video to finish it off was where I lifted up my lamp and then I put it down. As I pulled up the piece of paper, the lamp fell onto the keyboard of my new computer. My reaction was like "*GASPS* Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Oh my God, Oh-uh- ooh okay okay. It's all good! It survived!" I don't know what anyones reaction to it was because I went in the hall because of how embarrassed I was. I couldn't do it, when my teacher brought up my video, I was like "Oh, that's mine? *gets up and leaves* I'll be in the hall!" plus we were allowed to so. For the whole 2 minutes in the hall, I was just pacing back and forth and cringing at the sound of my voice that I heard from the class. I just literally wanted to delete my life at that very moment. 

Other than that, things are pretty normal. Science got even more interesting, Math got like ten times harder, in Language we are going to be writing short stories (I will definitely post my short story here!) and History just got like 1000 times more boring. If anything interesting happens, I will definitely let you know!

That's all for now! Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

I Might Start Youtube?!

OH MA GAD!!!! So I just got a new computer! I have been needing a new one for so so so long, and now I got it! I went from having a Dell Thinkpad from like 2009 to a new MacBook Pro! I may or may not have spent my life savings on it, but I needed it. Not just for watching anime or editing videos but, but for school work. Especially next year in high school. This baby is gonna save my life next year! It's light and thin and it's the 13 inch one so it's not big at all! Also, it means something very exciting.... I MIGHT START UP MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL AGAIN! WOOHOO! I have the editing software and a pretty decent camera, so why not?! I'm still gonna think about it, talk about it with my parents and I will see where it goes from there. I really, really want to do YouTube! Ever since I was about 11 or 12, I have always wanted to be a YouTuber! I know now a days, it's pretty difficult to get noticed on YouTube and Blogger. No one really uses Blogger except for like, Zoella, SprinkleofGlitter and Poppy Deyes. It's still fun and interesting to start off with. It's like baby steps to sharing your life with the internet. This is just a little update for now. The videos I plan to make on my YouTube channel are like chatty ones or make-up tutorials or like fashion lookbooks, but I am still open to suggestions if any of you have any!

That's all for now! Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Ukulele Fails & Getting My Sponsor!

OH MY GOSH GUYS! I missed you all so much! I have been gone for ages! I was SO busy this week! I recently went back to school after my 2 week holiday and it was so busy and tiring. I literally didn't want to get back into the swing of things but I had to. I've started going to the gym again after my mom suspended my membership for like 2 months, and IT FEELS SO GOOD. It's always nice to get a good sweat out during the week. The best part is showering after you work out. OMG, its like: you're all sweaty and hot and nasty af, but then the shower fixes everything! You're all cool and refreshed and it feels so nice! I go to the gym about 3 times a week now (Well I basically workout 5 times a week because I have gym class twice a week at school) and it has been hard. It will all be worth it in the end though! Anyways *Looks outside window* HOLY SHIZNIT IT'S RAINING SO HARD. Or is that snow? IT'S BOTH! What happened. Okay, so back to what this post is about! As most of you know (if you've read Armageddon, What I Got For Christmas & A Little Bit Of Anime ) I got a ukulele for Christmas. I am actually really good. Compared to my class I am literally the God of ukulele's. I know different chords and songs and I just sit there laughing as everyone fails to switch from F to A minor to G and then to C. I'm just sitting there like I am way better than all of you. My friend Dan also own a ukulele (well her mom does) and she brought it over to my house so I could teach her how to play Riptide by Vance Joy. She failed miserably and she ended up singing it while I played my ukulele. SHE IS ACTUALLY SO GOOD. My voice is really raspy, so when I sing it sounds like a cow is dying. She has a hard time singing the pitch but other than that she is CLEARLY better than me! We were thinking of doing a cover of Riptide for our next S.P.L.I.C.E Week project. I don't know if we will actually do it, but it's an idea. So, I am basically getting like 10 bajillion A+'s in music this year! Also, I got my sponsor for confirmation! If you don't know what confirmation is here is the definition: 

con·fir·ma·tion
ˌkänfərˈmāSH(ə)n/
noun
  1. 1.
    (in the Christian Church) the rite at which a baptized person, especially one baptized as an infant, affirms Christian belief and is admitted as a full member of the church.


So yeah! In order to be confirmed, you need a sponsor. It could be a family member or family friend who has had their confirmation already. I chose my cousin Sam and I asked her last night! I had it planned since October  and because of my priest, he wouldn't tell us the date until January and I just recently found out the date. My mom said to wait until we find out the date to ask her. So I had to wait a while. They way I asked her? Ok, it's my favorite part! My mom had gotten a little cake at Sobey's and got them to write "Will You Be My Sponsor?" on it. We all went to my cousins house last night so it was the perfect time to ask her! I hid the cake when we got inside and when everyone was in the family room, I got the cake, handed it to her and I let her read the cake. Her first reaction was "What?! Me?! Really?!" and I was standing next to her almost crying of joy (I held it in though) and I could only nod my head. "Yes! Yes! Oh my god yes I'll be your sponsor!" she shouted. She set the cake aside, and we hugged each other for like 5 minutes laughing and almost crying. The funny part was, we went out to dinner before this all happened and she asked me who I was choosing for my sponsor and I was like "Uhhhhh I haven't decided yet." She was so surprised and happy when I asked her. It was a good night!

Well, that's all for today. Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

I'm Not Ready For The Future

Hey guys! I have been having some weird thoughts and today, one of them really stuck with me. The thought of the future. I am not ready for the future at all. I'm not ready to go high school, I'm not ready to leave my friends in elementary school (even though we are all going to go to the same high school), I am not ready to forget Aid, and I am for sure not ready to be forgotten by tons of people including Aid. The thought of moving to a giant school full of 1400 students scares me, the thought of having to start over and make new friends is terrifying. I am scared. I am not ready at all. These are the thoughts that keep me crying and up at night for hours on end. Everything, all the things that happened this year will mean nothing next year. It will all mean nothing. All the Skype calls, Oovoos, video game playing and an awkward bike ride with Aid will be forgotten in a heart beat. My Christmas present from Dan will be forgotten, all of the fun and amazing times I will have had on my grad trip (no I haven't gone on it yet) will be forgotten. All of it. Everyone thinks I'm overreacting, but they haven't looked at the situation or even thought about it like I have. The thought of ending up seeing Aid and everyone again when I'm like 40 and talking about the memories that stuck with us for that long just makes me so sad. I don't know what to do. I am for sure gonna hug Aid and literally everyone in my school on the last day of school. The reason I keep mentioning Aid is because I am probably going to miss him the most. He was my first ever crush, my feeling for him developed even more this year. More than I ever imagined. I hope I don't forget about him and he doesn't forget about him. We don't Skype anymore, we won't for a while. At least that's what I think. I will just wait and see.

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Do you think you are ready for the future? Let me know in the comments. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

I Don't Want To Go Back!

Hello! HAPPY NEW YEAR WOOHOO! It's 2016 now! Okay, back to the post. So I go back to school in about 2 days.... AND I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK. The main reason is because of the stuff that happened on Christmas Eve Eve with Giov, Aid and I. Aid and I said we were gonna act like nothing happened, but every time we talk it is so awkward. I am trying my best to forget about it and I think he is too, but tonight was a little awkward. Kat, Marc (yes, Aid's cousin), Aid and I were Oovooing and Kat had left the call for a little bit. That left me with Aid and Marc. Then Marc was like "You know what? I think you two need some privacy. Bye!" and the minute Aid and I said "NO." He was gone. We had like a 10 second conversation and then Kat and Marc came back on. It's not like Aid and I are mad at each other, it's just what happened screwed us up a bit and it will take along time for things to go back to normal. Other than that, things are okay. It's gonna be awkward FOR SURE when we get back, but hopefully things will get better. The worst part is, HE SITS NEXT TO ME IN MATH LIKE LEGIT RIGHT BESIDE ME. Please wish me luck. I am excited but not excited to go back. Anyways, let me know when you guys go back in the comments!


Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Everything Is Good

So about yesterdays post... everything is okay. I spoke to Aid and apologized. Basically, I'm not sure if I wrote this down in yesterdays post, Giov, Kier and I were in a Skype call with Aid after Aid spoke to me the first time and told me he cared and everything was good. Then Aid left for a while, but it said he was still in the call. Kier and Giov kept telling me he was lying and that he really didn't care and I made some stupid moves. Aid listened to our entire conversation and he got mad at me and Kier and Giov  which made me cry and apologize because I felt terrible. I apologized to him several times and he said it was ok. Giov put things in my head that wasn't true and it wasn't my fault I made those moves. If I need to talk to him about anything I could and he won't get mad. The whole night I had trouble falling asleep because that was all I was thinking about. I am just glad we are good now.

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be noified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee! And also... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

XOXO Bella

He Lied And Then Confirmed The Truth And Then It Came Crashing Down And Now I'm Confused

Today, this is gonna be a little bit of a personal post that I have held back from writing about for the past couple of days. Aid has been lying to me. He didn't tell me, his friend did. He told me how Aid didn't want to come to my birthday party in the summer and was angry, how he didn't want to go to the movies with me and my friends, and how he didn't want to exchange gifts with me this year. I was confused. After all the long Skype calls and talking, he lied. I always knew he never cared that I liked him. I never told him how I felt about him. He doesn't care. He actually gave me the slightest spark of hope that I may have had a chance, a chance for someone to actually like me for me and not my looks. I thought he actually liked me, he gave me signs. I guess I got a little too happy. We talked about it and I heard him say "I was a little angry at Kat, not you, because she asked all her other friends to come when it was supposed to be just us 4 and I did want to come mini golfing." The first part about being mad at Kat I could tell was true, I could hear the lie in his voice when he said he wanted to come mini golfing. I even told him it was okay to say no if he didn't want to do anything with me. I don't know why it was so hard. I don't know why he would say yes when he doesn't even care about me, why would he try and be nice to me if he doesn't give a shat? I am still confused by this and I am in the process of letting go of him. It's gonna be difficult. I've liked him for the past 10 years, and it was for nothing. Although, there is someone out there who does care about me. He thinks I am the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, he says my laugh turns rainy days into sunny days and I'm so nice and funny. It's Giov. Yes, Aid's best friend. He's the one who told me about Aid because he hated seeing me get hurt and he thinks I deserve better. I don't like Giov, I don't have a crush on him. I told him this, " Giov, you are a nice guy and I like you, but not in that way. I like you as a friend. We can even be best friends. You will definitely be someone I will go to if I need someone to talk to." He was fine with that. I want Giov to be there for me and I want to be there for him. He will be my best friend and I don't want to lose contact with him. Like I said before, I don't have a crush on him. He's my friend.

To make things between Aid and I ten times worse, you know that girl Mich? The girl who attempted to hook Aid and I up, yeah. She ain't doin' shat now. Her and Aid are doing the talent show this year, as she told me the second after I told her what had happened. I told her to stop trying because he obviously doesn't give a crap about me. She wasn't like, " Oh, I am so sorry. You'll find someone better." She was just like "Oh, ok. Sorry to hear that." and then she told me about the talent show. Anyways, I'll be going back to watching Noragami and have Yukine and Yato fix my problems. Thanks to Jade for telling me the website! I can finally watch the 2nd season of Noragami AND Owari No Seraph! So thank you for that!

XOXO Bella

IT'S NOT OVER YET: (This is literally 5 minutes after I posted this)Ok, a miracle just happened. Literally, just after I posted this, Aid texted me and told me that Giov lied to me aswell! Apparently he does care about me and the way I feel about him. We both don't know why he lied about it but I guess we'll never know.

STILL NOT OVER: I've got more stuff for ya! Apparently Giov told Aid or "remind" him to tell me that he cares about me. He was kinda forced. I AM DONE

I AM SO CONFUSED: This is like the 4th time I have edited this and things just keep getting worse. I don't know who to believe or what to do anymore.  I am gonna try my best to try and figure it out. Oh gad halp me

The Gift Exchange

So, I never told you guys this, but Aid and I exchanged Christmas gifts. Since it's our last year, I told him I was getting him a gift to be nice. He got me one as well. He got me a little penguin phone holder named Penni. It is literally the cutest thing ever! I got him a bracelet making kit and a Nintendo t-shirt. I'll tell you how we exchanged. After school, we met up in the school yard at one of the benches and took our presents for each other out of our bags. We gave them to each other and then he said, "Should we open them now or later?" "I don't really care, whatever you want." I responded. "Okay, I'll open this when I get home and we will talk over Skype." he said. "Okay, talk to you later. Thank you!" I responded. "Bye." "Bye." and then we were off. When I got home, I went up to my room and hesitantly stared at my gift from him. I finally opened it and I was so happy. It was so cute! I texted him and thanked him, we Skyped and he opened his present. He really liked it which made me super happy. He left for like 10 minutes and when he came back we Oovooed and he was wearing the t-shirt I got him. He really liked it and I got the right size! Thank the lord. I am so happy we got closer because he actually helped me with some things and gave me legit advice of mean people. I feel like something special is going to happen soon...

Thank you so much for reading and sorry it was so short! I am just really tired and I wasn't feeling the greatest today. Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Misconception

So S.P.L.I.C.E week is FINALLY over! I get to see my friends and things will get back to normal. Well, or so I thought... Since Aid was in a different class then me, he spoke to different people. Which is fine, but this one person in particular made me a little jealous. Her name is Mich and I think I mentioned her in my Dear Future Me Tag . She is a very nice girl in grade 7. She has a boyfriend already (I know right!) and she is beautiful, sweet, kind and funny. She easily makes friends, especially recently. She was in the same class for S.P.L.I.C.E and they spoke a lot. It got to the point where it looked like she was flirting with him and he was flirting back. She tried to be cute by throwing the sawdust in his face and paint. She put him in her bio on Instagram and tagged him in one of her selfies along with her boyfriend with the caption "I'm not going anywhere". I felt very hurt and jealous. They spoke at recess and I saw the way they looked at each other. However, I got it all wrong.\
 At lunch recess, I was sitting on the bench with my friends and they all know about Mich and Aid. Giov (Aid's best friend) saw the look in my eyes seeing them together, went up to him and asked him what they were talking about. According to Dan (my friend who spoke to her about it at last recess) she was trying to hook Aid and I up. Yeah, she was saying how nice and funny and how much of a good person I was and how he likes me and I like him and all good things. I actually was very shocked. Aid said the same thing to Giov. Misconception is very easy to come by. They just became good friends. I'm surprised she hasn't come to talk to me about it. I got upset, even cried a little, over nothing. Why didn't she tell me? Maybe he is going to surprise me with something? I guess I won't know until it happens. My advice to you, is if something doesn't look right, ask about it to have a clear thought on it.
Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

YOUTUBE REWIND 2015!!!!!

YouTube Rewind 2015 is probably the best one yet. I watch it every year and this year, I was blown away! It was amazing. Me and my friends watched it at school today and we literally were blown away. I love how everyone came together and just had fun! When I start making YouTube videos, my dream is to be in YouTube Rewind. I hope that my channel will grow so I can be in it! That's only if my parents let me create a channel... I hope they do! If you want to watch this years YouTube Rewind click HERE

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Meeting In The Hallway (sort of) & Fabulous Hair

Since it is the second day of S.P.L.I.C.E week, I haven't really gotten to see Aid lately. We sort of not really had a little conversation in the hallway at lunch recess. I was in the science room working on my project and I went in the hall to get something from my bag. Aid was also walking down the hallway with dust from sanding the walls all over his face and sweater. He actually looked kinda cute. He was sanding the walls because another topic for S.P.L.I.C.E week was to do a mural and that is what he chose to do. The walls at our school aren't flat enough to paint on so they were sanding them down. When he walked past me, he looked at me and smiled. I was like "You look like a ghost. What happened?" I asked. "I'm sanding the wall and the dust is going everywhere." he answered. Then I had to go back into the science room and work on my project. I literally cannot wait for S.P.L.I.C.E week to be over, it has been boring doing the documentary because my work is done, tomorrow I have to start editing but I only have a little thing to edit and it won't take me long to do. Basically, the whole day, Gio and I played Fireboy and Watergirl and watched YouTube videos with Clar and Kay and Bia and took BuzzFeed quizzes to see if I was Sharpay Evans or Gabriella Montez from High School Musical. Also, I was talking to Gio and he has braces, in the middle of a sentence he spat all over my face. The way I reacted was priceless! It looked like someone had slapped me and I fell backwards in disgust. His punishment was me pulling his hair into a little fountain on his head. It was truly fabulous. The principal walked in  and looked said, "I love the look, it really suits you." and then we had to bring some boxes up from the office and all down the hallway, kids and teacher were like "Love the hair" "So fabulous!" It was hilarious. Gio is Aid's best friend and his reaction was even more priceless.  Gio had his hood on and I took it off just as Aid walked up to him to say something. He had the most confused look on his face and was speechless. Me and Clar were dying.

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Video Stars & Falling Asleep On Skype 

Hey! So I have literally been addicted to making video stars. I made them when I was younger and they were probably the most embarrassing videos I've ever made. I was a weird child, trust me. I've been obsessed with making them and lip syncing to songs and dancing around my room and using the different crappy effects to make my video look "cool". Either way, they are way better when you have a friend to make them with. I honestly don't know why I told you this but I recommend you try it! It would be a lot of fun to do when your bored.

With other things, last night I had a funny experience. I was on Skype with Aid (of course) and it was like 12:00 AM (on a school night cause we're rebels). We were talking for like an hour and a bit, until a silence fell upon us. It was so quite on his end and I was like oh, maybe he put his thing on mute cause his parents walked in or something. The silence lasted like 5 minutes, until all I heard was heavy breathing. I was like, "Uhhh... Aid?" no response "You still there?" no response. I waited a couple minutes and realized oh, he fell asleep. So I hung up and then later fell asleep as well. Today I went up to him and was like "How was your sleep?" he was like, "What even happened?" "You fell asleep on the Skype call!" "Did I seriously?" It was funny to see his reaction and we just laughed it off the entire day. We also have S.P.L.I.C.E week this week which is basically where we have a project to work on for an entire week and present the week after. I'm working on a documentary for the 10th anniversary of my school and Aid is working on a mural for one of the hallways with a bunch of other students. We don't get to sit next to each other in math, but we talk in between breaks and I'm interviewing him tomorrow as well. S.P.L.I.C.E week will go by faster than I think.

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Hometown Hockey (My Experience)
Photo taken from Google


My little 10 year old brother is on the Select team in my town. Yes, I live in a town. In hockey, there are different levels. There is House League, Select, Rep, AE, A, AA, AAA and then I forget what else. Select is basically traveling House League. In September, my brother tried out for the team and he made it. I never really liked going to see his games because we always had to be there an hour early. Since we have to travel (not far) for his games, we recently went to Innisfil. It's like 15 minutes from Barrie and 30-45 minutes away from where I live. I was forced to go of course. Our team isn't really the greatest, but that day they were amazing. My brother scored a goal that tied them 2-2. It was an amazing experience to see how the people form where I live came out and cheered. Here is basically what happened when my brother scored the goal: There were 5 minutes left in the second period. My brother stayed off side where his teammate passed him the puck. He was on a break away racing with opponents from the other team towards the net. He was skating as fast as he could as the crowd shouted his name. He skated far enough away from his opponents so he could score. Still skating, he pulled back his stick and shot the puck. He then went flying, slamming into the boards and stumbling to the ground. Getting up very confused with cherry red cheeks, his teammates crowded him in a big group hug jumping and cheering. The crowd screamed with joy. People ringing cowbells (yes that is what we do) and dads congratulating my dad saying how good he did.It was the most exciting thing I've ever seen. Then I realized, this is what hometown hockey is like. It's support from everybody and seeing people come out to cheer the team on, no matter how bad they are. That is what hometown hockey is all about.

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

About Last Night...

Last night was the most awkward experience ever. There were 8 if us, and I was the 8th wheel. It was Kate, Marc, Aid, Eth, Kyl, Alex, Chan and me. The movie was okay, the experience... not so much. The seating arrangement was Aid, Marc, Eth, Kate, Chan, Kyl, Alex and then me. I was on the complete other side of Aid. I hardly spoke at all and Aid hardly looked at me. It was awkward. Very awkward. I never want to do that again. It would've been a lot more awkward if it was just the 4 of us. They wanted to go again, I told them to go without me. I don't want to embarrass myself even more. It was literally Kate, Chan, Alex, Kyl and then just me. I was very left out. Aid didn't really seem to care. He was going to make a group chat with all of us so we could go again, and I told him not to include me. He asked why and I told him. In grade 6, there was a lot of drama between Alex, Kyl and I and that they don't like me. I blocked Kyl on Instagram and Alex blocked me. He didn't ask anything else. I'm sure they are all planning to go to the movies again over the Christmas break. No one is going to text me and ask me to go with them. I'll be fine with that. I think.

XOXO Bella

Going To The Movies (With A Special Someone)

 Hey guys! So I don't think I've spoken about this, but tonight I am going to the movies with Aid, Marc and Kate. Yes, Aid my crush. A lot of you know that we Skype, and one of the things we talk about are horror movies. I've never seen a horror movie but I really want to watch one. We've talked about going for a while, and we finally decided. Tonight, we are seeing Krampus. If you don't know that movie, it's basically where a family looses their Christmas spirit and Krampus comes. Not to give, but to take! If you want to understand it better, watch the trailer . No this isn't sponsored, but I am really really excited! It was going to be just me and Aid, but we thought it would be a it awkward between us so we asked Kate and Marco (if you wanna know the full story on them click here ). Kate also asked Alex and shes coming too. Aid also asked Eth and he's coming as well. We basically asked a lot of other people too. But those are the main ones coming. I am really, really excited! I will give a review on the movie and tell you how it went when I come back. Thank you for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Going To The Hospital & Pains In My Chest

Hello! Firstly, HAPPY DECEMBER! That's right! It's December 1st! Get out your Christmas lights and Santa hats! Secondly, if you read my post yesterday, you will know that I had a scope done in my stomach. I went to the hospital and everything. There is actually a little story too. But first a little back story, I have explained this before but for the past 2 or 3 years I have been having stomach pains. I think it's anxiety and stress but we did blood tests and ultra-sounds and X-rays to check if it was anything else. All the results came out fine. After all these years, it's still happening. That's the summary of the back story. So, my doctor decided to make me do a scope in my stomach just to make sure I don't have an ulcer. They basically put a camera down my throat to look inside my stomach. It was a very interesting day. My parents took me to the South lake Hospital near where I live to have the procedure. When we got there, we took an elevator up to the 4th floor where we went to a desk to check in. I was then lead to a little sitting area where some adults and a boy about my age were sitting. A nice nurse called me up and I put on one of those gowns. It was really big on my and long so I basically looked like I was wearing a giant blanket. I sat in the little waiting area for about an hour reading a book while the boy my age was having his procedure done. Another nurse took me into a tiny little room and checked my heart rate and blood pressure. I waited for another 30 minutes until the anesthesiologist came and talked to me about how they were going to do the procedure and whatever. I then followed another lovely nurse into the room where the scope was going to be done. I layed down in the bed and they put a nice warm blanket on my. Then the bad part came, the anesthisia. The lovely nurse that brought me in was sticking a needle in my hand and moving it around to try and find one of my veins. I then started to cry of course. She took the needle out and moved up my arm and put the needle in again and found a vein. They then put the oxygen nostril things that Hazel from The Fault In Our Stars had and this thing in my mouth to keep it open. They then told me to lay on my side and that was the last thing I remembered. About 20 minutes later I woke up in recovery. I literally opened my eyes, looked at the nurse and was like, "Where the heck am I?" in a really tired drowsy voice. She just started to laugh. She brought my parents in and got me some apple juice. Since they went down my esophagaus, the doctor said I would have some chest pains for a couple days. Oh my God. I couldn't drink my apple juice because it burned so much. It was even more difficult to eat. After that, I took off my really comfy gown and was sent home. My day consisted of finishing the 3rd season of Pretty Little Liars, drinking Gatorade, texting my friends to let them know I survived and suffering from the pain in my chest. The nurse said it's trapped gas, but I don't know. I feel a bit better, it's still a little difficult for me to eat because of my chest but I will be fine. I get the results in 2 weeks so I have a lot of waiting to do.

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

10(ish) Facts About Me | BEDIN 26

Since I have had this blog for almost 6 months now (Woohooo!!!) I thought I would give you some facts about me.

1. I don't have a phone. yet.
Me and my mom are looking at plans for me and they are all so expensive! We looked at one that said it would be $120 a month for just the two of us because my dad's work covers his phone bill. I will get one very soon I hope!

2. I used to have ombre hair.
I don't even know if I told you guys but no even like 7 months ago, I bleached the ends of my hair (ombre) and I recently dyed it back to it's natural dark brown colour for my graduation photo's. I miss it so much!

3. My brother has red hair, blue eyes and freckles.
I have dark brown hair and brown eyes. I don't know what happened with him.

4. I have two stitches on my left pinkie.
I got them from a skating accident when I was 3 or 4. I was in skating lessons and I fell forward with my hands spread out on the ice. Since I was only like 3, I needed help standing up. As I was lying on the ice, a fairly big boy was skating towards me, he didn't know how to turn or stop and *slice* he went over my pinkie. He didn't cut it off, it was just a deep cut and I got stitches. I just remember going into the bathroom and taking off my mitten only to see me hand covered in blood from my pinkie. I got extra stickers though.

5. I bumped into the famous YouTube iiSuperwomanii at Target when they had it in Canada.
She lived in Markham which is like 15 minutes or so away from where I live. At the Upper Canada Mall near where I live, she was in the Target on the same day as me. I was walking and I accidentally bumped into her. I turned around and was like, " Oh my goodness I'm so sorry!" and she was like, "It's okay" and smiled at me and then turned around and walked away. When this happened I had no idea it was her. So after she left, I noticed she was wearing her Unicorn Island sweater and her hat and superwoman ring. After she left, and I noticed it was her, I immediately gasped and turned to my dad like, "OMG DID I JUST? WHAAAAA?!" and he was like, "Are you okay?" and I was like, "I just bumped into Superwoman from YouTube!" and he just looked at me like I said something crazy. Sadly we were in a rush and I felt like it would be rude to go up to her and ask for a picture because she was with a friend. So uh, I missed out on an opportunity.

6. The first YouTube video I ever watched was when I was 11 years old. It was Bethany Mota's room tour in the spring.

7. I have like Aid since kindergarten where we first met.
We have known each other for 10 years now and I remember we used to play games at recess and him and his friends would chase me and my friends and in grade 6 I couldn't look at him with a straight face.

8. My favorite song is Girlfriend by Avril Levigne.
I have loved that song ever since I was 4.

9. I have been an alter server at my local church for over 4 years now and I recently got an award from the bishop for it.

10. During the summer of this year (2015) I created a YouTube channel and when my parents found out about it, I deleted all the videos because of embarrassment.

Well, that's all the facts I have for now. Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Taking A Sick Day | BEDIN 25

 Today, I left early from school. I'm going through girly things and it was horrible today. I lasted until history at 10:00 am and then I was out. Most of you know this but I get really, really anxious when my stomach hurts. I almost had a panic attack in the morning when I got there and I couldn't sit still and keep calm during someones history presentation. I had to leave in the middle of it because I couldn't take it. The only thing that made me feel a tiny bit better happened on my way down to the office. Aid went to the bathroom the minute the presentation and when someone is presenting and we come back we are to stay in the hallway until it's over. When I opened the door to go to the office, he was right outside and we both looked at each other and smiled and he said, "Hello my friend." in a strange accent and I replied with "Hello." and since I was anxious and trying to hide it, I quickly turned and walked down to the office. My Nonna came and picked me up and I went home. Since I left in the middle of a presentation, my friends had no idea where I went. So the minute I got home, my IPad was buzzing with texts from my friends asking where I had gone. I told them and they all had the same reply, "Ok. Feel better! ttyl!" cause that is what friends do. All I did today was go on YouTube. I watched Aids cousin's video form Halloween like 10 times and had great laughs and watched Teens React to a whole bunch of stuff. I feel a bit better and I'm sure I'll be able to got tomorrow. Oh! NEWS TIME! Sorta... Last night I visited my high school and basically took a tour. I saw so many of my friends from camp and girl guides and it was basically like a reunion! I literally cannot wait to go! I'm scared but excited and sad at the same time. When I Skyped Aid the night he made his promise I told him, "On the last day of school, I am going to cry and hug you. Okay?" and he said, "Okay. But why are you gonna cry?" "because I'm not going to see anyone and" I told him the thing that made him make his promise. I don't know why I keep bringing up Aid. That just shows I like him alot. Hopefully he doesn't read this...

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

I Put On A Guys Coat... And Some Other Things! | BEDIN 23

 Yes, I put on a guy's coat. BY ACCIDENT. Here's what happened.
Today was like -3 outside and everyone was wearing their winter jackets. A lot of people have black coats with greyish-blackish fur on it. Mine did and so did Gian's. I went to get my coat of my hook and I put it on. I was like "Why is my coat so big?" I checked to make sure it was mine and as I was checking, Gian comes over and is looking at his hook which is right next to mine and he goes " Hey! Where is my coat?" I immediately take of the coat, handed it to him and was like "Uhhhhh, I think this is yours." He gave me a confused look and then laughed and asked "Did you put it on?" and my reaction was "Uhhhh, maybe..." we just laughed. It was so embarrassing cause then I looked right under my feet and my coat was there. *face palm*

Onto other things, I have been thinking about what happened with Aid and him joking and messing with me. At first I asked myself why do I like him? We can't even talk to each other when we are alone. We have to be playing TF2 or something. But last night, we Skyped, just the two of us, for 2 hours straight. We spoke to each other and I even made him a bracelet. Yes, I made him a bracelet. I gave him one last year and he lost it and I told him I would make him another one as long as he didn't lose it. So I did that. Now I realized why I liked him. He is cute, funny, charming, kinda smart, kind, nice and we kind of share the same interests. I don't know. But I was telling him how I was sad to go to high school and that both of us are going to forget each other because I'm gonna go one way and he's gonna go another. What he said to me made me so happy, "I promise you, when high school starts, I am going to text in the group chat everyday." I really hope he keeps his promise and I didn't write this for nothing. I guess the future will tell.

Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADEEEEEEE | BEDIN 21

AHHHHHHH! OH MY GOODNESS GRACIONIOUS!!!!!!! She is back! She is back! She is back!!!!!! I am acting like a total fangirl right now but JADE HAS RETURNED!!!!! I missed her so so so so so much and I literally started crying when I got a notification that she uploaded a new post!!!! You must be wondering, why are you so happy? Well me amigo, Jade was the very first person to ever comment on my blog. We keep in contact through emails and stuff and she is the one who keeps me blogging! I am literally the happiest person ever and yes Jade, I actually cried. I am so glad your back! Maybe we can work on something together, just let me know! Thank you so so so so much!Byeee!

XOXO Bella

It Was All A Big Joke | BEDIN 19

 Well, it must've been the funniest joke ever. I have to admit, I am a little hurt, a little upset. But I know better now. I am trying to move on and it's gonna be a long process.

It was a joke. The "thing" Aid was supposed to tell me was nothing. He did it to annoy me. He didn't actually have anything to say to me. I am a little hurt because I had the tiniest bit of hope onside me that he was going to tell me he liked me. But no, I got a big joke. I have to admit, I don't know why I like him. All he cares about are video games. Our friends and I Skype and when it's just the two of us, we have to be playing TF2 in order to talk to each other. Or else we won't say anything. I have liked him since I was 4 and at the time, he had no idea I existed. I don't know what I was thinking. I wouldn't call this a "heartbreak" because it isn't really. It might turn out that, he really does have to tell me something and he told his friends to tell me it was a joke because he's not ready to tell me yet. I don't know, but for all I know, this is reality. Not the movies.

Anyways, I am so so so so so so so so so so so sorry this came up really late! You have no idea how disappointed I feel! Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you tomorrow. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Why Can't He Tell Me! | BEDIN 18

WHY CAN'T HE TELL ME! He brought it up like 4 times today and he even pulled me aside all 4 times and every time he said, "Nows not a good time." and walks away. Like WHAAT?! Okay, rewind so they know the story.

Today was an interesting day, the first thing: I was doing a history presentation, and the person who switched the slides switched them too fast. There's a boy in my class with and disability and he basically speaks his mind. So, in the middle of my presentation he went "Your slides are too fast!". I literally stood there, in front of my entire class, some of them giggled and I just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. I felt so offended and I have no idea why. But anyways, now to the bigger issue I'm dealing with!

In class, I face Aid (my crush) and at lunch he looked at me and said, "Izzy, I have to tell you something.""Okayyyyy?" I replied. He opened his mouth to say it and stuttered a bit. "I can't tell you. I just can't." "Why can't you tell me?" I asked. "Not right now." he replied. I turned around really confused. At recess, I was sitting with my friends and he came, " Okay, I have to tell you something." I sat on the edge of the bench and gave him a stern look. He did the same thing. "I can't tell you right now" and he walked away. He did that another time at that recess. At last recess, he pulled me aside, "Okay, I am going to tell you. I just want you to know, this is really personal." I looked at him and said, "Okay, you either tell me or don't tell me. Otherwise don't say anything." Guess what, HE DID IT AGAIN. "I'm sorry! I can't tell you! Not right now." and he once again, walked away. I literally gave up. I was like "You know what? That's it. Stop bringing it up if you aren't going to tell me." I have no idea what he was going to tell me. You know when you are so desperate to find something out that you will keep harassing the person until they tell you? That's what I felt like doing, but I was like if he doesn't want to tell me or he's not ready, that's fine he will tell me when he is ready. I just gave up and walked away. I literally couldn't even.

Thank you for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I'll see ya later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

I Feel Like I Lost A Friend | BEDIN 15

Hey guys! I think you already know this, but Jade took down her blog not too long ago. She took down more than just her blog, she took down her Facebook too. We used to chat on Facebook and she even joined my blog. I emailed her and everything. A couple days after she took down her blog, she unjoined my blog, deleted her Facebook and deleted the comments she left on my blog posts. I am in no way upset by this, but I feel like I lost a friend. I didn't really know her that well but I still liked to call her a friend. I felt like we had a connection of some sort, we were kind of alike a little bit. Her blog posts were my favorite thing to read, and now they are gone. I wish I knew her better, I wish we talked more, I wish we had conversations and became friends. Even though she lives in the Philippines. Jade, I highly doubt you're reading this, but I think of you as a friend and I hope that even though you don't have your blog we can be friends. Thank you.

XOXO Bella

Feeling Bricks & Creepy Stalker Cousins | BEDIN 2

 Hello and welcome back to BEDIN!!!! It's the Monday after Halloween when everyone is back at school and sharing their funny Halloween stories. My funny Halloween story was that me and my friends Dan and Clar went trick or treating together and we came across this one house where we literally walked up the first step to their door, the people had their door open and when they saw us, they slammed the door on us. We were like, "Really?!" then there was this man who was like, "You guys better get out of here." and just started laughing at us. Some people just don't like teenagers I guess. My friend Ini went trick or treating with Gian and Kier and when they came up to my house, Ini was apparently feeling the bricks on my house and when my dad opened the door, Ini said to him, "I like your bricks."Trust me, when he told me this I was dying laughing and very concerned about his health. So for the entire day, Gian, Ini and Kier were complimenting my bricks. I have many weird people in my grade as you can tell.

This one is really funny to me at least. Get ready. So my friend Kat was at her other friends house after trick or treating, she looked on her phone to only see that she got a DM (direct message) from my friend Eth. Eth was at Aid's house along with Aid's cousin Marc and Giov, another friend of Aid. The DM from Eth said that Marc liked Kat, meanwhile Kat has no idea who Marc was. Marc started texting Kat and was being really creepy saying things like, "This is only the start baby". Eth started sending pictures of Marc to Kat and they Oovooed (Oovoo is like facetime and skype) and I don't remember the rest of the story. WAIT! Aid made a YouTube channel and his only video on it is a video from Halloween of Marc beating up a dummy. I literally was face palming myself the entire video and was like,"Why?".

Other than people feeling bricks and creepy stalker cousins, my day was pretty good today. I got started on my cheat sheet for my science test, had a language presentation and had some good laughs at last recess with Gian, Kier, Dan, Clar, and Kay. Apparently I'm running for president in 2020 against Kanye West and T-Swivvle and Kier is my attorney. Kanye ain't got nothin' on me! I'm totally gonna win. Anyways, Join my blog if you want to be notified when I make a new post! Thanks for reading. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

My Doddleoddle Obsession

If you don't know who Doddleloddle is, her name is Dodie Clarke and she is a youtuber. I have recently come across her videos and they are my literal favorite thing EVER! I love her ukelele original songs and her covers!!!! You need to check out her channel literally right now! Dodie did not tell me to do this. Heck, she doesn't even know I exist! But I think she deserves a little more appreciation for what she does. She writes AMAZING songs that you need to listen to! My favorites of hers are Adored By Him, Little Room and PAINT. You need to go over to her channel now and watch her videos!!!! I'm gonna leave now so you can go watch some of her videos! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post! Thanks for reading. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Dear Future Me (Tag)


Dear Future Me,

Hey! How are you? I have a handfull of nosy questions to ask you. May I mind you, I am 13 at the moment and all this nosiness was on you. You wanted to know this about your future self and these were the questions you were dying to know the answer to. So don't bother forgiving you for how many questions you wanted answered. So let's start off, shall we?

How was your grad trip? Did you even go? Hopefully Dr.L fixed the stomach situation and you were able to go panic attack free!
Did Dan move to Australia yet? Do you Skype and text and Face Time still?
 Do you remember the time you almost sat on Arnold? And when Dan, Liz and Kat made that picture where they put you and Ant beside each other and planned a wedding for us on December 22nd in Antarctica? Seb was the ring bearer and Liz was the priest, Ire was the flower girl and Kat, Bia, and Dan were your bridesmaids and Clar was the maid of honor. Oh the good days.
 I hope you are doing well, stomach thing sorted out and feeling more confident with your body. Did you grow any taller? Did you accomplish being fit and athletic?
How was high school? Did you get honor roll in grade 8?  Did Fai ever text you back? Are you still in contact with the squad?
Has Arnold asked you out? Or told you that he liked you? Do you still play computer games with him? Do you still see each other at school or even talk? Or did you find someone new?
Hows Ini? Do you still talk to him? Is he well? How's he doing with Mic? Hopefully they are good.
Did you start up your YouTube channel again? What videos do you post? Do you have 1 million subscribers yet?
Have you met Bethany Mota yet? Or visit London and meet Zoella and Alfie and Marcus and Niomi and Dan and Phil? Did you meet any YouTubers yet?
How's your blog? Is it big? Are your fans supportive?
Did you ever find love? How does it feel?

I know these are a lot of questions and you probably don't know who half these people are anymore, but a tip is to figure out what the rest of the name is because I only put the first 3 or 4 letters of their name so good luck! Hopefully you are makig Mom Dad and Nonno and Nonna proud with what you are doing! Hopefully you still write this blog and have many amazing readers! Hopefully you reply to this and answer most of my questions! Byeee!

XOXO 13 year old Bella

Almost Sitting On My Crush


Well, today was going pretty well. Until we were packing up to go home. Here's what went down...
So I was at my hook getting my backpack to bring back into the classroom to put my homework in it. As I was out there, there was a swarm of my other classmates doing the same thing. As I was backing away after I had gotten my bag, I didn't realise that Arnold (my crush in the past few blogposts) was literally right behind me kneeling on the ground packing his own bag. So, I lost my balance because he sorta tripped me with his ENTIRE BODY and I nearly sat on him. Either that or I would have fallen over him. He was like, "IZZY!" and I was like, "Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!" and then he was like " You almost sat on me!" then I was like, " You shouldn't have been right behind me on the ground! I couldn't see you!" Then he smiled at me and laughed it off. Meanwhile I grabbed my stuff and once the bell rang, I sprinted out the school. All I was thinking about on the way home was how stupid I must've looked to him. Oh yeah, here's the girl who has a crush on me about to either sit on me or fall over or on top of me. Flattering. Oh and yes he knows I like him, thanks to a couple of my friends... That's all for today. Leave a comment if you have ever been in a situation like me. Hopefully he doesn't think I'm clumsy, although I am. But this was all on him though, it wasn't my fault I almost sat on him, he was behind me #1 and #2 he was on the floor. If he was standing he would've tripped me either way but I wouldn't have almost sat on him! Thanks so much for reading! Follow my blog for notifications when I make a new post. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Literal Thoughts In My Brain

Photo taken from Tumblr
                 
Hey guys! I've had these really, really ocean deep thoughts about life lately. For example, the reason why I never listen to my parents is because I want to show people I cannot be controlled by them. That I can make my own decisions. I don't know why this is happening. Maybe it's that teenager phase where you have problems that nobody understands. The thing is, I can't even understand them myself. I don't know, maybe the thought of being forgotten and going to a school next year are dawning on me. Or it's the thought of not knowing what Arnold thinks of me. Does he feel the way I feel about him? Is he worth obsessing over? Do I want to hear the answer and end up crying in the end? I'm not sure, but I've been trying so hard to  let go of Arnold and it's difficult. I know I'm only 13 years old, but you can feel love at any age. I've never felt so strongly about someone before, and I'm so desperate to find out if he feels the same way. I doubt it though. He's an elementary school crush, they don't usually end very well. They usually forget each other in high school. Stupid, stupid high school. That's it for today. Leave a comment if you have ever felt this way about someone before. Thanks for reading! Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Grrrr...


I have had enough. I am done. I am completely finished! Okay, breathing in and out. Here we go...

I think too much about everything and what the world has become and things need to change even though I don't have the power to change them and that's what makes me think and imagine how my life would be effected by these things and when you come to a conclusion, you can't control what happens in your life. Some people say things happen for a reason. Whether it's good or bad, it happens for a reason. The only problem with that, is you have to dig deep inside yourself to figure out what that reason is.

I need to explain more I know. I look at the world very differently sometimes. For example, when I go to school all I see are a groups. I would just like to confirm I am only talking about my grade 8 groups. There are a few. There's the beautiful skinny girls, the nerdy group, the cute boys who know they're cute, the wanna be populars, and the " I know they exist but I don't really talk to them" group. I am between the " I know they exist but I don't really talk to them" group and the nerdy group. However, I was once in the beautiful skinny girls group. Except I wasn't skinny or beautiful. I was just kinda... there. Like an extra in a movie. I tried to be like the other girls, I was kinda mean and it just wasn't me. Then they kinda "kicked me out" of the group because they thought I was a blabber mouth. I won't argue with that because I kind of was, I have excepted it, learnt from it and I have moved on. With all the bullying from Bertrad and dirty stares from the beautiful skinny girls, I see the world a little differently than I used to. I think about things a lot and most of those things scare me. I think about what my life would be like if I hadn't been bullied. I would probably be huge and people would laugh about me behind my back and no boys would think I'm cute and beautiful. They would see me as a walking sausage. And that's what scares me. I have lost weight, but I am still not that confident. I had a hard time picking my Halloween costume because a lot of them would make me stand out. I stay in my room all the time away from everyone because I don't want ot be seen because all I will think about is what they are thinking of me and what they would say about me behind my back. I sometimes think about what my friends think about me and if they even are my friends or if they are just pretending to be my friends just so they could talk about me and make fun of me when I'm not there. It's happened to me and I'm afraid it will happen again.

Next year, I'm going to high school. The place where everything changes. Friends leave and forget about you, crushes are forgotten and time to start over. It's like your whole life is just wiped away, only to begin again. I have had this guy on my mind ever since the end of summer. I think about him a lot, I try not to. Because I know next year, things will change and he will be forgotten. He will forget me and have no idea who I am anymore. That's what high school does. It shows you what life after is going to be like.

Things happen for a reason. Being bullied is to make you stronger, A family member passing is to show you to treat every day like it's their last and take advantage of your time together because you have no idea when it's going to be over, love is to show you that you have this feeling of warmth and happiness, break-ups are to show you are going to be okay and that ice cream does help. I was kicked out of that group to show that I don't need to be with them and fake who I am and that I could find other people who accept me and who I am for me, and are there for me when I need them most and reassure me that everything is going to be okay. That things will get better.

Just because something happens, doesn't mean your life is over.

XOXO Bella

 Under The Weather                                                                                              

(Photo taken from Tumblr)

I'm sick. It's finally autumn. The orange and red crispy leaves have finally fallen off the trees and onto the ground, where I step on them and feel the cold wind on my red nose that is stuffed with disgustingnes and the plague. Oh how getting sick in autumn is so common. I literally feel like death. I can't breath, my throat feels like a cat is just sitting in it and using it as a scratching board and I sound like I'm dying. I guess a cold is autumns way of saying " Greetings, welcome to the new weather before Elsa takes over". I have consumed a lot of tea these past few days and I am still dying. I've tried Advil and halls and they seem to be working so far, but I am sitting in bed with my nose congested and my throat aching. I know I don't have strep or bronchitis because I have had them both and they were far worse feeling than this is. But it's only been a few days, 4 at least, and I am still clearly surviving this autumn welcome to the new weather that is going to stay for like a month and a half until the ground is no longer covered in crispy leaves, but covered in snow for the next 6 months, thanks to Elsa. Hopefully I survive the week because my intermediate division is going to see the play about Hana's Suitcase, the story of a little girl from the Holocaust. I am very excited about this because the little girls brother actually lives in Toronto so we might see him appear at the play! At least that's what I'm hoping. We are going on Friday and I just might bring my camera... We'll see about it! Anyways, I'm going to go back to dying and drinking tea now.

XOXO Bella

Happy Thanksgiving!


Hey guys! It's Thanksgiving here in Canada and to all my Canadian readers, Happy Thanksgiving! This is just a quick little update type thing and as you can see, there are no delicious looking pictures of mashed potatoes or turkey or stuffing because Thanksgiving is meant to be spent with family and friends, not all over the Internet. My family and I had a lot of fun, we played pictionary, watched movies and ate the delicious food my aunts and my Nonna made. It was kind of funny because we are Italian and my Nonna always makes pasta no matter what, and she always puts tons of cheese on it. Since I'm lactose intolerant, and she loves me, she made me a little plate of cheese free pasta beside two huge pots of cheese filled pasta. It was all good and I in fact did not over eat. I wasn't all that hungry so I didn't eat a lot. But anyways, Happy Thanksgiving and I hope you all had a lovely day! Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Philophobia

               
This may sound weird, but I have philophobia. I am afraid of falling in love. I want to fall in love, experience romance and be happy. But I'm scared, I'm afraid that I will push everything aside for love and then possibly have my heart broken and I put my life aside for love for absolutely nothing. I want to fall in love, and I won't let philophobia stop me. Now that I think of it, this sounds like some sort of medication comercial where the person has stomach issues and is like "Now with Stomach Helper, my pains won't stop me from doing the things I love!".

But in all reality, I'm only 13. I've got a long way to go with love in my life and it's okay to be scared of falling in love at my age. Whether your 35 or 13, it's okay to be afraid of falling in love. It's okay to have philophobia. Plus, no one said you have to fall in love to be happy...

XOXO Bella

Getting Ready For Fall


Hey guys! So, it's officially fall in Canada and it's FREEZING COLD!!!!!!!!! The mornings start off at 5 degrees Celsius and go up to 10-13 degrees Celsius. But that means I have to start preparing myself for the months ahead because it's only gonna get colder. With our further a do, here is how I get ready for fall...

DECORATIONS


I will be doing another post showing how I decorated my room, but let's get to the basics here. I usually decorate my room with a fake leaf garland with some lights and basically plant a pumpkin bomb in my room. I like to warm up my room with blankets and a lot of orange, brown and red to make it feel cozier and warmer. I would also like to clarify that this is NOT my room in the picture. I got this off the internet because I don't want to spoil the post. I DO NOT OWN THIS PICTURE. It is very cute though! I wish I had those decorations!!!!


Tea & Warm Drinks/Food


Since it gets so cold during fall, do you drink or eat soup? I guess I'll never know but anyways, I love to eat soup and it just makes me feel all nice and warm on the inside. I like to curl up on my couch in a blanket, watching a movie and eat my chicken noodle soup! I have been loving the Lipton chicken noodle soups, the good thing is that they come in a little box full of little mixture packages. If I'm home sick and I still want to eat, I just boil 1L of water in a pot and stir in the mixture for 5 minutes and BOOM. Soup is served!


Tea is my #1 priority in fall. There are so many kinds and so many good things that go into your body when you drink tea! My favorite teas are the fruity ones from Lipton. Every warm thing I have in the fall is from Lipton I guess. They are just so good!! I love putting a bit of honey in their teas, it makes it 100 times better! I don't know if this is just me, but since I can't have hot chocolate, I sometimes wish marshmallows tasted good in tea. Like, why not! I don't know, but when the british side takes over, tea and biscuits all the way!!!!


PUMPKIN SPICE EVERYTHING! (mostly food though)

                                  

Pumpkin pie... YUM! I love pumpkin pie, I mean... who doesn't?! It is just sooooo good! My grandma makes it and it's so good! It's the perfect mixture of pumpkin and crust the world has ever created. A beautiful masterpiece, if I must say! Oh my God I sounded so posh there for a minute. I swear I should've been British!

        

Pumpkin spice cookies are so good! Especially the ones from Pilsbury, mmmm... They even have pumpkin spice Oreos. They may sound good, but Oreo has gone too far.

                   

This is like, the true Canadian in me, but Tim Hortons pumpkin spice muffin is just... pure, pure heaven. If you ever come to Canada, try this because your life will be changed. And full of pumpkin spice!
There are just way too many pumpkin spice flavored things in the world to name, but here are just my favorites.

Sweaters & Blankets

                          

Because I am so prepared for fall and winter, I have 2 overflowing drawers of sweaters. To be honest, I LOVE SWEATERS! They are just so comfy and literally go with anything and keep you nice and warm while the cold its freezing your face. Plus, there are some cute adorable ones in the stores these days, it's hard to contain myself sometimes!!!! I love ones with peterpan collars. They just look really cute and make you look sophisticated while still looking casual! True perfection!


Blankets are perfect to cuddle up with while watching a movie with your family. Or eating soup on the couch. Blankets are the type of thing you'll keep, no matter what it looks like, as long as it keeps you warm. 


The Colour Orange

                                    

Oh the colour orange. It's like the #1 thing that comes to mind when I hear the word fall. Just imagining the orange and red coloured leaves that cruch when you walk on them and fall from the trees to let you know, it's coming. Orange reminds me of a warm fire on the perfect Autumn night, just chilling with some chicken noodle soup wrapped in a blanket watching a movie. I find it gives you a warm snugly feeling. Like it's just right. Amazing.

That's all for today! Be sure to follow my blog for further fall and Halloween themed posts coming very very soon!Byeee!

XOXO Bella

My Facebook Page : www.facebook.com/Belliary

My Quote


Izzy, you are one of 20,000 caring people. Be the power to "Be The Change" 
- R . Fedugen

This is the signature and quote from We Day. This was given to me by Craig Kielburger's inspiring teacher. Thank you so much Mr. Fedugen! 

We Day | Toronto 2015


Hey guys!!!!  As most of you know, I had the chance to go to We Day with part of the Social Justice Committee at my school. I had an AMAZING experience and I really wish more people had the opportunity to be there. I know most of you are wondering, how much did I have to pay for the ticket? Tickets to We Day are earned, not bought. My school earned them by doing charities and food and clothing drives.


So my morning started off by waking up at 5;00 am and meeting my teachers and the other students at the train station near my house. It took us about 45-50 minutes to get there, but it was totally worth it! When we got there, we waited near the doors to the ACC and waited for them to open. On our tickets, we were only assigned a section, not a seat. The seats were first come first serve, thankfully we got there early enough do we got PERFECT seats right near the floor. We were literally at the end of the stairs at the bottom. We were so close to the stage, a bunch of the performers walked past us and we got autographs from the founder of We Day's inspiring teacher! It was awesome. Demi Lovato, Shawn Mendes, Kiesza, and Nick Jonas walked past us!!!!!

Here is a picture of the stage! Well, over top of it at least. The GIANT moving camera that gets those cool air shots of the performers, yeah that was planted right in front of us. At least I got good photos of some of the performers.



When we first got to our row, there were all these bags in EVERY seat in the stadium. Each filled with a notebook, pen, book by the founders, swaggy sunglasses, a cookie cutter with the word WE on it, and a bunch of coupons from the sponsors. This was kind of like a "Thank You" type thing that encouraged us to take notes for ideas on what to do in our schools to help make a difference. I think the Social Justice Committee will have many big ideas now thanks to this!



 We even got posters to hold up. If you can't already tell, this is the poster that was at my seat.


Where we were sitting was so close, that some of the performers like Demi Lovato and Shawn Mendes actually walked right in front of us!!!!! The host and and an interviewer from MTV actually waved at us!!! Plus, Bailee Madison (I think that's how you spell her name) walked in front of me and said hi to me!!!! She also sat in the section right beside  me! We were section 115 and she was in section 116. Literally right next to me!


Hedley performed


Carly Rae Jepsen performed


Demi Lovato did segments for MTV. She DID NOT perform because her dad recently past away


SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWNNNNNNN


Even Analise Carr was there to talk about her journey to swimming across Lake Ontario


This was my first time ever at a We Day celebration and I will remember this forever. I've got tons of inspiration to share with you guys and I might have to do it in segments or like little chapters on the blog because this blog post would go on for days!

That's all for today! If you have any questions, need advice or an opinion, leave it in the comments and I will try my very best to get back to you. Byeee!

XOXO Bella




Picture Day Dilema


Hey guys! Today at my school, we had picture day. If you live under a rock and have no idea what picture day is, although it's pretty self-explanatory, it's where every one in the school has their picture taken for the yearbook or for other things like emergency forms. Today was not the right day for it. Let me break down my day here.

So the morning started off with my hair still in braids from the night before. I finished washing my face and brushed my teeth, I took out my braids and POOF. My hair was a bit frizzy, but I thought maybe it's cause I slept on it or something. So I just ignored it and moved on. When I stepped outside, it was humid and my hair just frizzed up and it looked like the zoo ran over it. School was even worse. When I got to school, since we don't have air conditioning, was even more humid. My hair just wasn't having it. I made the horrible decision to change into a hoodie and out of what I was wearing before and it was just even worse. At recess, it was okay. But at lunch recess, I was like this is it. It started to poor and poor and poor rain from the sky. Thank God I had a hoodie on cause I just slid it over my head. Of course, cause we are older, we take our pictures last. When I mean last, I mean my class was the last class in the entire school to have their pictures taken. My hair calmed down a bit, I wiped the excess mascara off of my face and my picture was taken. Although, the person giving me posing instructions made me put my hand on my "hip". The reason why I say it like that is because, my "hip" apparently was my thigh. He was like "Okay put your hand on your hip *places hand on hip* A little lower *moves hand lower* a little lower *places hand on upper thigh* Perfect!". It's apparently the new way kids are posing.

Today was kinda a disaster. Thank God for picture retake day.

That's all for today. If you have any questions, need an opinion or some advice, leave it in the comments and I will try my very best to get back to you! Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Why Am I Freaking Out About This?!


OMG. Okay, I may sound kinda like a really weird person, but I didn't realise this. 3 people in the Philippines, THE PHILIPPINES, actually read my blog. Like, what?! I know some people must be like, " Oh yeah? People in France and Sweden read my blog." They probably do, but this is kinda a big moment for me. I know it's only 3 people, but that's enough to get me really excited!! When I logged on today and saw a comment from a girl named Jade (beautiful name by the way!) I looked at her profile, yes I am a huge creep, and it said she was from the Philippines. I was like, this can't be real. When I realised it was, I was so amazed that my blog actually appealed to someone. I find it amazing how that one comment from her literally made my heart skip a couple beats and made me so happy. Jade, if your reading this, thank you for literally making my whole entire day, SO MUCH BETTER! I really hope that my blog will grow and help some people out. Thank you so much again Jade!

That's all for today, if you have any questions, need an opinion or some advice, leave it in the comments and I will try my best to get back to you! Byeee!

XOXO Bella

P.S.
Check out Jades blog here: lumierejade.blogspot.ca

Uhhhhhhhhhh...

Oh. My. G-O-S-H! Let me explain.
So at my school, we have student council. We have technology, social justice, Eco, spirit, athletic, the regular committees. I am part of social justice and last year, some students got a chance to go to We Day which is an event that happens around the world. This year, we got tickets. Since I'm in grade 8 and it's my last year in the school. I get more privileges. Which means, I GET TO GO TO WE DAY!!!!!!!!! I am literally so excited!!!!!!! Don't you worry now, I will take many, many pictures and make a blog post about it. You should expect it on October 2nd or 3rd.

If you are sitting here, reading this and are like, " What the heck is We Day?" Well my friend, We Day is a big celebration type thing that is held around the world. Its a celebration of youth making a difference in their local and global communities. We Day is a part of a program called We Schools which is the yearlong program that nurtures compassion in young people and gives them tools to create social change. Basically what happens is that a bunch of people come to talk about what they've done to try and help make changes in the world and there is performances by famous artists.
I'm kinda flippin' cause here is who is going to be there :
Demi Lovato
Shawne Mendes
Hozier
Nick Jonas
Carly Rae Jepsen
Hedley
Kiesza
Toronto Youth Symphony Orchestra

I am so excited!!!!!! This is my first time ever going and I just... CAN'T EVEN! The only down side about it is that I have to wake up at 5:00 am because in order to get good seats, we have to be at the ACC (Air Canada Centre) by 7:45 am. It takes a while to get there from where I live. We Day is happening on Thursday, October 1st and I can't wait! If you wanna find out more about We Day, here's a link to the website: http://www.weday.com

That's all for today! If you have any questions, need advice or an opinion. Leave it in the comments and I will try my very best to get back to you! Byeee!

XOXO Bella
  

Trapped


Hey Guys! Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. School started and I am trying to get into the whole routine of it. It's been almost a month, and this has been happening. I feel like I am being taken over by a huge wave of anxiety that I can't seem to swim to the surface of. I feel trapped and I get anxious everyday and it's horrible. It's causing me to not eat. Which means I'm losing weight. It is so bad, I didn't eat for the first three days of school. My parents noticed and now I try to eat most of my food at school.I can only eat one or two of my snacks and only half my lunch. I'm glad I'm losing weight and all, but this isn't how I want to lose it.

My mom wants to get me a therapist and that is the last thing I want. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to physically talk about the way I feel. I like writing about it. I find physically having to use my voice to explain my feelings very difficult and terrifying. I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I'm thinking of getting anxiety medication, but I did do research and it kinda scared me a bit with things like "can cause addiction to drugs". I just don't really know what to do. I'm most afraid of anxiety medication because the way I think of it is, in order for the medication to do it's job, isn't it messing with your brain? What if one day the medication does something to me and I snap and bad things happen? Or what if it makes me feel even worse if I don't use the right prescription? 


As you can see, I am very paranoid when it comes to feeling sick or healthy. The reason why I have anxiety is because of my stomach and my allergy. If you don't know, I am lactose intolerant. When I eat something that tastes salty or tastes good, my mind is like " What if there is cheese in it" or "what if this makes me sick tomorrow at school". Basically what happens when I eat dairy, I get horrible stomach pains that just make my anxiety spike to it's highest and causes me to have a massive panic attack. Even if I'm at home when this happens, it's very hard to calm myself down. Now that school has started, the only thing I focus on is not only my lesson, but the way my stomach is feeling. Sometimes in french class, I will get cramps and have to rush to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror and breathe and tell myself to calm down.


I just don't really know what to do about my anxiety problem. I want to get medication because I feel like it would help me but I'm afraid to ask. That's the thing with me. I am terrified to ask questions or ask to have something. I don't really know why but if I need to ask for help, I get someone else to do it cause I'm too afraid.I also DO NOT want a therapist. My mom wants me to get one but I keep telling her "No, the last thing I want to do is to tell some random stranger about my anxiety problem and why I have it." If I ever told someone IRL why I have anxiety, they would tell me to suck it up and ignore the pain and it will go away. I have been trying it for three full years and nothing has changed.


I'm not sure what I'm gonna do but I have two options 1) ask my doctor about anxiety medication or 2) try and eat a little more and ignore the thoughts in my head. I'll figure it out and let you guys know what decision I make.


That's all for now. If you have a question, need advice or an opinion, leave it in the comments and I will try my very best to get back to you. Byeee!


XOXO Bella

P.S.
If you have anxiety, PLEASE let me know if you take medication for it and if it helps you! I would love to have different opinions to make out my decision!

Mixed School Feelings


Hey Guys! I hope my last post helped some of you out. I just really needed to get it off my chest. Apart from that, I just got a notification saying I am going to find out who my teacher is on Monday... AND I'M FREAKING OUT!I literally am so anxious to find out cause there is a teacher I really want and a teacher I really don't want. I just have so much anxiety about it, I'm going to legitimately EXPLODE either with sadness and crying oceans or happiness and relief. If you are really confused and scared, in Canada ( or at least where I'm from) we find out our teachers and all that on the first day  of school. Now my school has decided it would be better for the students to know the day before cause they think students get too much anxiety over the process and all that stuff. I can relate to that a lot because I always get really anxious on the first day of school. But of course who doesn't. If you don't get anxiety on the first day of school, you are amazing and I wish you luck on your first day.


I don't think it's just me who thinks this but, when you look up to summer after school has ended, there is kind of a process of emotions for when you have to go back to school. In my mind this is what it looks like:


End of June(when school ends): Happy and relieved that you have 2 months worth of NO school.


Beginning of July: Planning out your summer and getting into the routine of waking up late everyday not having to worry about school work.


End of July: Gets into the routine of waking up late, only to realize school is only 1 month away, and then no more sleeping in and naps at 4:00 pm. But, you still focus on your summer while it lasts.


Beginning of August: Realize that school is only a few weeks away and try and salvage the summer while it lasts, while trying to get your supplies for school and sorting things out.


End of August: WHY!!!! JUST WHY IS SO I HAVE TO LEAVE TO GO BACK!!! I LOVE MY BED MORE THAN THE CUTE BOYS IN CLASS!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME LEAVE!!!!!!!!

Beginning of  September (when school starts): Well, I'm done with summer... come back to me!!!!!


Going back to school can be stressful. You have to make lunch for yourself EVERYDAY, pick out clothes (unless you have uniforms) EVERYDAY, wake up early EVERYDAY, catch the bus EVERYDAY, and it's just so stressful, and then you wait for Christmas to come around and your home free for a few more weeks. Yay



That's all for today, if you have a question, need advice or an opinion, leave it in the comments and I will try my very best to get back to you! Byeee!


XOXO Bella



  

Anxiety


So I've held off from writing this for a long time, and today I've decided to get it off my chest. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I have been for 3 years now, and its been hard to control lately.



What Is Anxiety?


When you have anxiety, it can come at you at anytime and anywhere. People get anxiety from different things like large crowds or feeling sick. I get anxiety from feeling sick or being around people who don't feel good or feel sick, thoughts of what I did when I was younger that was bad or embarrassing, being in a crowded place, and waiting in the waiting room of the doctors office. Everyone has anxiety, they all control it differently and some people get it more often and intense then others. Some people see getting anxious is like getting excited or wanting to do something really bad.  This is the definition:

anx·i·e·ty
aNGˈzīədē/
noun
  1. a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
    "he felt a surge of anxiety"
    synonyms:worryconcernapprehension, apprehensiveness, uneasiness, unease,
    fearfulness, feardisquietdisquietude,
     inquietudeperturbationagitation,angstmisgiving
    nervousness, nerves, tension, tenseness; 



    • desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.
      "the housekeeper's eager anxiety to please"
      synonyms:eagernesskeennessdesire
      "an anxiety to please"
    • PSYCHIATRY
      a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

  2. As you can see. anxiety means different things. The one thing that sucks about anxiety is that it won't go away, but it can be controlled in many different ways. Like seeing a therapist, anxiety medication, and  learning how to calm down if you ever feel anxious. Anxiety for me is a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks. 



How I Developed Anxiety


So about 3 years ago, I was being bullied. This boy, no it wasn't a girl, I'm gonna call him Bertrad started making fat jokes and saying them to my face. He said things like, " Hey Bella, did you have a Big Mac on Monday?" and he used to live down the street from me so when I walked home he followed me and tortured me the entire way.I never wanted to go to school. I would be scared to leave my house because I knew Bertrad was just going to torture me the entire time. My mom found out what was going on, told my teacher, teacher yelled at Bertrad for a whole period, it was over. I still didn't like going to school and then I had some fights with my group of friends an then things started happening.I started getting bad stomach cramps and I thought it was just the stomach flu and it would be gone in a few days. A week passed, still getting cramps. A month passed, still getting cramps. I had stopped eating because the cramps were that bad.  I felt like this for two months and then we decided to go to the doctor. She sent me to do some blood tests and ultrasounds and X-rays. The ultrasounds and x-rays didn't worry me, it was the blood tests. So, the day I had to get my blood tests I was feeling really nervous and scared. I remember waiting in the waiting room and I looked over to see someone getting their blood taken. I got really panicked and the room was getting dark, I felt nauseous, my stomach hurt, I started crying and freaking out and my mom had to quickly pull me into the nearest bathroom to calm down. My mom got mad at me for freaking out in front of everyone. I remember not wanting to go back into the waiting room in front of everyone because I was really embarrassed. My mom and I had no idea what had happened when I freaked out. Then I went on the Internet and watched Zoella talk about anxiety and panic attacks. At the time, I had absolutely no clue what that was. When I learned about it and looked back to that day, I had my first panic attack. At first I didn't know how to control it and I'd have mini freak outs whenever I had to leave my house to go out because I was afraid that my stomach was going to hurt. It was horrible because my anxiety caused me to not eat. I was afraid that eating would make my stomach hurt and make me get really anxious. About a year after that, I had found control and I had an easier time controlling it. I've had many panic attacks, and since anxiety can hit you literally anywhere, Here is a list of places I've had panic attacks:
- at a blood clinic
- a friends house
-at home
-in bed
-at a family members house
- on vacation



How I Get Anxious


 I still get anxious, and I get anxious pretty often and easily. When I get anxious, It causes my stomach to hurt which makes me even more anxious, or when I'm with a big group of people or in a crowded event I feel trapped and I get the urge to cry, I hyperventilate and I immediately want to be somewhere quiet where I can calm down and breathe. I mostly get anxious if my stomach hurts because that is what started it. I sometimes get anxious at night when I'm in bed because when I'm trying to fall asleep, thoughts run through my head like, bad things I've done or things I might have done that was embarrassing. I've been getting like that lately at night for the past few days and I've been sleeping with the radio on to keep my mind focused on the words in the music than thinking of things that get me anxious. I also think it's because school is like 5 days away so I'm pretty nervous for that!!!!!!


Tips On Controlling Anxiety


So over the years, I've learnt ways to control my anxiety. Here are my tips to controlling anxiety:

- Breathe: when you get anxious, you sometimes feel like you can't breathe. All you need to do is go somewhere quiet, sit down, close your eyes, and just focus on taking deep breaths. If your sitting in a loud place, listen to calming sounds or music or just plug your ears, and breathe.

- Drink Water: if you feel nauseous or sick or light headed, drink some water or eat a little something.

-Step Out: if your in a restaurant, you can easily slip out for a few minutes to breathe, get some fresh air and walk around for a bit to calm down. (This one helps a lot!)

- Music: music is my #1 priority of I ever feel anxious. I have a playlist of songs that make me feel calm. If music just makes you feel worse, listen to ocean noises or noises of nature like falling rain, swaying trees, wind. Just little things like that.



 I hope I possibly helped anyone who has anxiety and if you have any other tips and tricks on how to control it, leave them in the comments! Because it won't only help me, it'll help someone else who needs help with anxiety. That's it for now! If you have any questions, need advice or an opinion just leave it in the comments and I will try me very best to get back to you! Byeee!


I also would like to clarify that I DO NOT take medication for my anxiety. I've thought about it for a while and never mentioned it to my doctor because I feel like it would be kinda scary to take medication. Not to discourage or offend anyone that does take medication for anxiety, but anxiety medication scares me because yes I know its helping you with your anxiety, but in order for it to do that doesn't it do something to your brain? I don't know a lot about anxiety medication but I plan to do more research about it just so I can understand it better. 


XOXO Bella



Back To School & My Name On A Grain Of Rice?



Hey guys! So I start school in 10 days and I'm SUPER excited!!!! I think my parents are kind of worried about me... but who cares! I have all my supplies, I know what I'm gonna wear, How my hair is gonna be, what time I'm gonna wake up at, and a whole bunch of other things. I'm the kind of person who likes school because at least I have something to constantly occupies me throughout the day. I find summer kinda boring after a while. A month and a half through summer I was already wanting to go back to school! Plus, it's my last year in elementary school! That's right, I'm in grade 8. I own the school this year! Well actually the principal does but... one day. Students can dream. I'm so excited for school, I got these really cheap ugly note books and I made them look cute by taking folder covers and putting them on the covers. Here are some pictures!













Who knew math could look so cute! I'm dying to write in them. Like seriously, I've had to stop myself a couple times.

In other news, I recently went to the CNE, aka the Canadian National Exhibition. I had tons of fun! Plus we got a pretty good deal to get in. Usually you have to pay like $20 to get in, but after 6:00 pm, you only have to pay $6! But to go on rides, you either have to pay $55 for 55 tickets, or $60 for a wrist band that gets you on all the rides. Trust me, the wrist band is totally worth the money. I went on a ski lift around the park, went on tons of rides and got my name painted on a grain of rice! I didn't try and crazy foods. If you don't know what crazy foods I'm talking about, I'm talking about deep fried oreos, deep fried mars bars, deep fried blooming onion, chicken fried in frosted flakes, and deep fried chips. Everything is deep fried! It's nasty. I saved myself from dying so that's good. Sadly I can't show you my name on a grain of rice because my camera wouldn't focus on it. It's a grain of rice so it's pretty small.
I even got a henna tattoo, although it's kind of fading. Again I couldn't show you because it's too faded to be focused on.

That's all for today! If you have any questions, need advice or an opinion, leave it in the comments and I will try my very best to get back to you! Byeee!

XOXO Bella

Dropping Shoes In Lakes...


I know, you're probably thinking: how is this possible? How in the world do you drop shoes in a lake? This is how! About 3 weeks ago, it was Father's Day. My grandparents held the Father's Day party at their house and I went with my family. They have a big lake in their backyard and we got them a little paddle boat for it. I was going on the paddle boat with my cousins probably the whole entire time, until this happend... My cousins had gotten off the boat to get a snack, leaving me on the boat alone. Since the boat was really dusty and full of cobwebs, there were many spiders crawling on it. I know you can tell what is going to happen next, a spider was crawling beside me. It had long legs and was pretty big. Considering I have aracnaphobia, I was a little scared. So, I took off my favorite black slip on converse, the ones I've worn everyday, and I hit the spider with it. The spider didn't really die, it was still crawling all over my shoe. I went to kind of shake or flick my shoe over the water to get the spider off and... SPLOOSH! My shoe had slipped out of my butterfinger hands and into the lake, and that was the end of my favorite converse. At least I got an excuse to buy a new pair of shoes! I got new mint converse! Anyways, now I'll just wear flip flops in the boat from now on. Comment if you ever had a situation like mine!

That's all for today! If you have a question, need advice or need an opinion on something, leave it in the comments and I will try my very best to get back to you. Byeee!


XOXO Bella



Shark Week?



I know what your thinking, what? Really? A blogpost on shark week? Is she serious?

Yes, I'm serious. Dead serious. I have always loved shark week. The thrills, the science, the anticipation, the amazement and seeing what amazing things sharks can do. Yes they are dangerous, killing machines. But they don't mean to be. They mistake humans for seals. I don't know how, but they do. They are attracted to movement. That's why, if you ever get attacked, you have to stay as still and calm as possible. Once they see that you aren't moving they will leave you alone. If you flail your arms and start screaming and freaking out (who wouldn't?) they will keep biting at you. For example, soul surfer. When she got bit, she stayed calm and still and called for help. She didn't flail her arms around and scream. She knew exactly what to do. She is still alive today. 

A few years ago, my family and I went to a beach in Florida on vacation. I didn't necessarily love going in the water cause it was too salty and whatever. I still went in though. Anyways, my dad was kneeling in the water relaxing and all of a sudden, this group of people starting pointing at something in the water near my dad. My dad looked around trying to find what they were pointing at, and there it was. A sand shark. Swimming not even a foot away from my dad. What did he do? He slowly got up, and ran out of the water. He didn't go in after that, but atleast no one got eaten. We were then told sand sharks don't really harm people. But we still need to be cautious. Sand shark or not, it was still a shark.

I am TERRIFIED of sharks, but I love shark week. It's weird. I think I like it cause it's not me risking my life for science and standing in a cage in the middle of a shark nest in the sea, wielding a camera and a stick with meat on it. I think it's facinating what they can do. For example, spinner sharks. They spin out of the water to catch their prey. ITS AMAZING! I love spinner sharks. They are my favorite type of shark. I just imagine the people on shark week on their little science boat and a 10 foot spinner shark just spins out of the water over their boat. That would be so cool!

That's all for now! If you have any questions or you need advice or an opinion on something, feel free to leave it in the comments and I will try my very best to get back to you! Byeee!!

XOXO Bella

Question of the day: what is your favorite type of shark and why?